Note to self: Don't say what you're NOT going to do

In indirect cultures, a standard piece of advice is to not be too direct or risk the possiblity of damaging a relationship. This week, here in China, I was reminded just how sensitive this point can be.

I was teeing up a kick off presentation to the mostly Chinese leadership team, and described to my Chinese counterpart a few of the introductory remarks I would make. One of these remarks was to state that my coaching and observing was not to JUDGE them but to find ways to support them in their leadership capacity.

My counterpart reminded me that saying I would NOT be judging them would likely put the idea in their mind that I was there to judge, and it would be preferable to simply state that my role was to find ways to support them.

So in the spirit of being clear and direct, I would easily have missed this point. Assuming that this audience would jump to "judging" is perhaps built in my own cultural frame of reference. By doing so, I pollute this audience with an interpretation that they may have not even considered.

Seems like such a subtle nuance, and yet these sorts of cultural sensitivities can and do make a palpable difference in the outcomes we achieve.

Comments

[Marcia Reynolds]

Interesting. I know, too, that our brains do not know the word not. When we tell ourselves not to do something, we do it. For instance, if you tell yourself not to think of a pink elephant, you can't help but see this funny giant in your mind. If you are biking and see a rock, it is better to look ahead than to try to avoid it. If you tell yourself not to hit it, you probably will. The Chinese might have a good point we should all learn.

[Mary Schnack]

This goes back to the old journalism adage--KISS--keep it simple stupid. VERY good simple rule of thumb for cross-cultural communication.